my phone needs a breathalizer
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
