Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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