you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
