Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
