sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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