I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
