Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
