I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
