And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Please, let me fuck your mom
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
