u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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