we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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