Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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