u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
