i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
