he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
