Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
did i walk over a car last night?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
