I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
