he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
