I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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