pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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