maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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