Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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