1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
