dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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