im holly from the hills drunk
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
