Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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