i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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