it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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