Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
