I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Are my feet made of real feet?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
