3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
