forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
