note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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