I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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