Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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