my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
