i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
