And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
