"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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