Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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