Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
