Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
