She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
