you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
