duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
