He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
