my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
