My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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