sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
