Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
